So...life's weird and twisted. Joseph all of a sudden wants me back, and now Cody recognizes the situation with me being at home and facing all of this. I'm so glad that he's been so sweet through all of this still, but it just really sucks. He wanted to just not talk to me until fall, like completely cut off everything, but when we thought about it, both of us realized we really couldn't do that, we've gotten so close already. We just decided to cut the flirty comments as best as we can and just focus on being friends...but still, it's limited, it's restrained, and I try not to feel this way, but part of me just wants to say...it's your fault Joseph, you've damaged yet another thing in my life. It's just so frustrating that he wants to butt his way back in all of a sudden, but I guess I can't make any conclusions until I talk to him face to face. I wish it could just happen right now, I'm tired of waiting and dragging this out. I'm very much a "let's solve this problem right here, right now" kind of person. Being patient as best as I can though...
Also, I feel myself getting PMS-y, and that always frustrates me, especially right when Jace comes to town! I hate being a drag. I'm glad I went for that drive today because it helped clear my head and get a hold of myself again. Guys, and girls who don't experience bad times of the month, just can't understand how crazy you feel when it's like this. I feel insane sometimes, and out of control. Today wasn't so bad in that sense, just had so much emotion and stress building up on top of a terrible sleeping schedule lately. It felt nice to just drive with my music and the wind in my hair, scouting for interesting photo shoot spots. I got a hold of myself, and continued to have the best attitude I could.
It was good to see Dan last night. He's such a goober, and may be rough around the edges, but he's such a sweetheart. He's been a great encouragement through much in my life already, along with many other people. ;) He made some good points though...it really is hard to remember the good things from my relationship right now. I still feel the sting of betrayal of trust very much. That wound has been re-opened quite a bit by coming home again. I hope I can solve this as smoothly as humanly possible and move on with my summer, but, just gotta trust God knows what He's doing. Joseph really broke me. He's clearly trying to fix what he did, and I see it, I just don't think I'm ready to accept it yet, but who knows, the Lord has the power to change hearts at any pace. I look forward to talking to Joseph face to face, and yet dreading it.
Love you girls! Miss you.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (The Message)
"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."
"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."
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