Self Tanner and Sadness.

I woke up this morning and my hands still smell like my self tanner. Bet you didn't know I used to be ridiculously tan! When I lived in Corpus I was super dark, but I got really sun burnt on my face a few years ago at a camp and I just have been really careful (and lazy) about tanning ever since. So now in order to get a bit of color on my face I use the Jergens self tanner, haha, right now just on my face so I look a bit more alive and less like a hermit who lives in the dark. :)

Anyways, girls, I just feel really sad this morning. Cody and I have been getting to know each other these past two weeks, and we talk ALOT. He is so much fun to be around and to talk to. I just feel like he is the person I click with most at MHB. I really enjoy his company. Well, we also have parallel lifes pretty much, the timing is just a bit different. He recently got out of a three year relationship too. I don't even know this girl but I have a very strong dislike for her already. Cody is the sweetest guy. He has an absolute heart of gold and cares deeply for the people he loves, and she abused it completely. She's been trying to get a hold of him lately and get back with him now that she's probably pregnant (from sleeping around with OTHER guys) and abusing his kindness and manipulating him. He's been pretty strong and said to give him his space, but he had the last and final talk with her last night to get her off his case. Guys, this girl is an idiot. She decided to confess to him that the day after they broke up, she screwed around with some other guy. And since then, she has just gone on an absolute spiral...

Pardon my french, but how is that not supposed to make someone feel like shit? I know I did even from the stuff that happened between Joseph and I, but Cody never did ANYTHING with her because he respected her and her parents' wishes, and she does this. When he told me I just was completely livid. I'm glad that girl lives out of state now. I'd probably rip her hair out. I hate seeing people like Cody, GOOD people, get treated as thus. And yet then again, without sounding vain, I guess in a way it's happened to me. I know what I've given to Joseph, I know what I did and didn't do, and still got treated poorly even though he didn't do something quite as heartless as her...

Again, Cody and I talk a lot, and right now it's just nearly silent. I know he needs his space though, and it's good we're just friends. I've been really praying about what we need to be. I know I really like him and would certainly consider dating him, but I want what God wants. I want to desire what He desires. Also, my relationship with Joseph was based on prayer, and I want that for even a casual relationship (casual as in I haven't known him for years).

Also, I still know I have a lot to deal with Joseph, now that I am home. I'm talking to him on the 12th. It will be interesting. Last time I talked to him he said he just wanted to be friends, but I want to confirm that...because lately he's been hinting that he wants more than that back, but I don't know. Just stuff from his twitter that's like "the weather is beautiful, I wish I could just spend time with you..." and dumb crap like that. I just feel like he is trying SO HARD to be on good terms with me, but it's more just turning me off. It's just frustrating that it is now. Why now, why not then. It doesn't even feel like our relationship was real anymore.

Anyways, I'm sure you guys will be sick of hearing about my strange and awkward "love life" (or lack of) but it's just a big part of my life right now, so..bare with me, haha.

In lighter news, I'm going to paint today I think. Bunny paintings? :3 Still avoiding the warzone that is my room...I need to go shopping too! I love online shopping though...Forever 21 sales are the bomb. I love cheap clothes, especially when it's summer. :)

Love you bunnies! Miss you tons already. I wish we were having dance parties every night.
-Birdy